Help! My baby is still waking every 1-2 hours to feed!
As a baby, child and autism sleep specialist, I speak to exhausted parents about their child's sleep struggles on a daily basis. It's my job to assess exactly what's going and devise a plan that's not only going to solve the issue for good, but suits the child's temperament and the family's parenting style.
But I also get A LOT of messages via DM and posted on my Facebook Group (which sadly I don't always get time to answer) but one that I received yesterday really struck a chord with me... because I went through something very similar myself and I know a lot of parents, like you, will relate to it too.
So I thought it would be beneficial to share the answer in detail via my blog.
Here's what was sent to me, and below you'll find my reply:
"My baby is still waking every 1-2 hours all night to feed and never naps for more than 40 minutes at a time. I’m absolutely exhausted and just don’t know how to get him to do longer stretches. It’s affecting us both. He’s almost 10 months old so I thought it would be better by now. I feed to sleep - is this where I’m going wrong? I wonder if I should switch to formula so he is fuller? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! From one very sleep-deprived, tired mama!"
Hi lovely!
Thanks for your question. Let’s chat about what’s going on here…
Based on what you've shared with me, I can identify two main things that are affecting your baby’s sleep:
1) Overtiredness. This will be the accumulation of little one never managing more than a few hours sleep at a time, plus taking short naps which won’t be fully replenishing him during the day. This explains why he’s waking up so frequently, because when we develop a sleep debt, our bodies produce a hormone (cortisol) that actually keeps us awake.
The solution is to make adjustments his routine to encourage more consolidated daytime sleep. Generally speaking, at 10 months a little one needs around 3 hrs of daytime sleep and around 11hrs sleep overnight (or 14hrs sleep in 24).
2) Your little one doesn’t know how to self-settle yet…. the only way he knows how to go to sleep is by drinking milk (or sucking on the breast).
I’m not against feeding to sleep and it isn’t something parents must avoid (I did it with both my own children). It’s natural for babies to fall asleep whilst feeding, so it isn’t something you’ve done ‘wrong’. Some families use this as a means of getting their baby to sleep and it works for them.
However in your case, it sounds like your baby is waking after every sleep cycle or two and needs to be fed back to sleep because it’s the only way he knows how to do so (which is why he’s calling out for your help).
This coupled with the overtiredness is causing the frequent wakes and short naps. You said it’s really having an impact on both of your well-being so it clearly isn’t working for you.
This issue is solvable! It just means making some changes, which I know can feel daunting… moving away from feeding to sleep will be key. This doesn’t mean you have to stop breastfeeding or introduce formula - formula will not make your baby suddenly sleep longer! I work with a lot of families where they are in this exact situation but baby is reliant on sucking the bottle rather than the breast to fall asleep.
Teaching your baby to self-settle is the first task and by doing so that will help with the overtiredness.
It will mean you don’t need to be involved in getting your little one back to sleep when he wakes in the night so there will be longer stretches of sleep for you!
It will also teach your little one how to connect sleep cycles meaning he will start to sleep longer and night and for naps (and therefore combatting the overtiredness!)
As well as helping your baby to settle happily and independently, I would suggest you make your baby’s wake windows (the time they spend awake between sleeps) shorter and even add in an extra catnap if needed.
With all this in place, your little one will start to get the sleep he needs. He’ll wake less (if at all!), and he won’t need to call for you every time he does rouse in the night. This doesn’t mean he’ll be silenced though - if something is wrong, such as he is unwell, has a dirty nappy or is cold, he will still cry out for your help.
I’m sure this probably sounds quite overwhelming. But remember you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here to support families through their individual sleep journey if they need extra support.
If you are looking for a sleep consultant to help you, remember to do a bit of digging - check their reviews (you can read mine here), check their values and approach aligns with your families parenting style and make sure they listen to you! YOU are the expert on your baby… they are they to give you the tools to improve sleep and to help you make informed decisions.
I wish you all the best for the future - you've got this!!!
And if you do decide you want my support please reach out and book in a free Discovery Call.
Much love
PS. Whatever your child's sleep issues, it's never too late to ask for help. Click here and book in for a free Discovery Call to find out more about how I can help you.
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