How to Stop Co-sleeping
Have you ever had your little one sleep in bed with you?
Sometimes this is done by choice but often parents find themselves co-sleeping as it’s the only way they can get a shred of sleep themselves. I certainly never intended on co-sleeping with my little ones, in fact I was very naïve and pre-children I thought my little one would just sleep soundly next to me in the moses basket – how wrong I was! I co-slept when both my children were newborn, simply because it was the only way I got more than an hours sleep.
Either way, as long as it’s done safely, then co-sleeping is absolutely fine. Read more about safe sleep guidelines here.
However, you’re obviously here, reading this blog, because for whatever reason you feel it’s time for your co-sleeping journey to come to an end. As a sleep consultant I often hear from parents who are no longer getting a good night’s sleep by co-sleeping or parents who are ready to reclaim their bed as an adult-only space. Whatever the reason it may be, this is absolutely fine too. You can definitely stop co-sleeping whenever you feel ready and I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be a painful experience either!
Babies and young children are highly adaptable, so although it would be unreasonable to expect no upset at all when moving away from co-sleeping, they do form new habits and learn really quickly if you are consistent.
Here are my top tips on how to stop co-sleeping:
- Set up a Safe Sleep Space
Make sure your little one has a safe, clear space to sleep and that the room is dark. Babies are sensitive to smell so I find it’s useful to put your baby’s new cot sheet into your bed for a day so that it has your scent on it. White noise played consistently is also helpful as it is calming and helps to drown out any other household noises.
- Introduce a Transitional Object
If your baby is over 6 months you could also add a comforter which they can take with them to their new sleep space as a transitional object. This could be a muslin, blanket or a comforter/lovey that is specifically produced for this purpose (I love the Liewood and Cuskiboo comforters). Please ensure there are no choking hazards such as loose parts, tags or button eyes. Introduce the object as part of your day, keep it close so it picks up your scent and then it will help soothe your child once they are in their own sleep space. It will actually act as an extension of you and will help your little one to feel they have part of you without you actually being there.
- Spend Time in Your Child’s Room
If your child is old enough then let them decide on the decor so they can really make it their own. This will help them feel like they belong and will make the transition less daunting. In the weeks leading up to the change I advise spending time in the room doing calm activities such as reading, doing jigsaws, singing songs or changing your little one’s nappy. You want your child to associate the room with calm and relaxing activities and not hectic playful ones. For toddlers and older children, I believe it’s important that you never use the bedroom as a ‘time out’ place or as a consequence of undesirable behaviour as this could lead to a negative association and could cause upset at bedtime. We need the bedroom to be a happy, positive place.
- Stay with Your Child at Bedtime
As I said previously, little ones do adapt quickly, but when I work with families I like to start as close as possible to what they are currently doing and make gradual changes. Going from co-sleeping to putting your baby in a cot and walking away will no doubt end in a lot of tears. In my experience it is better to stay with your child at first and respond if they get upset. You can then gradually wean off your presence when they have started to adapt to their new surroundings.
- Stick to Your Decision
Once you’ve decided to no longer co-sleep and you’ve decided to start the transition to your little one’s own sleep space then you need to fully commit. If you decide to let your little one sleep back in your bed occasionally then this will ultimately make the process a lot more difficult. Little ones don’t know the time so allowing them in your bed for early morning cuddles, for example, will just confuse them and often makes them protest longer and harder when they have to go in their bed. Maybe this is something that could be introduced a few months down the line but I would certainly get their own sleep space established first.
A last little point to consider is timing. I’d advise not to move your little one if there is anything else going on, like a new baby, a house move or because you’re going back to work. Leave it at least a month before or after so your child has time to adjust. Similarly, babies go through a typical period of separation anxiety around 8 months so I would not suggest transitioning from co-sleeping at this time either if you can help it.
I hope this advice has been helpful. Please share this blog post with anyone you feel it may be helpful to and if you need any 1:1 guidance with moving away from co-sleeping then book a FREE Discovery Call today.
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