5 Truths About Baby Sleep in the 4th Trimester
I thought I was prepared to have a baby. I’d done the anti-natal classes, I’d read the books, I’d bought all the suggested products, I’d written a birth plan and I’d packed my hospital bag.
Physically, I knew what was going to happen and I knew to a certain degree that the birth part was out of my hands. I was okay with that. Mentally, I thought I knew what to do with a baby… although I’d never even changed a nappy (unless a dolly’s counts?) But when my baby was born everything I thought I’d learnt went out of the window.
All my baby wanted to do was be attached to me… constantly. It was a shock. I wasn’t prepared. I couldn’t put her down. I had no time to myself. My hands were never free and there was certainly no way she was going to sleep in the beautiful moses basket we had ready by our bedside for her.
What we don’t get taught is how to get them to sleep or even what we should realistically expect in terms of newborn sleep. I certainly didn’t know that all of the above is normal newborn behaviour and I wish I had truly been more prepared for it or at least had some tools to cope.
So here are my 5 truths about the newborn stage (also known as the 4th trimester)… specifically in relation to sleep (because that’s where I suffered most!)
1. Newborns want to sleep on you
The single most common question I get asked as a sleep consultant is ‘how can I get my baby to sleep in the crib?’. I honestly think many new mums just aren’t prepared for this and through no fault of their own. There’s a perception that newborn babies sleep a lot and that you can just pop them down and they’ll sleep anywhere. For many this is true but also for many this is completely the opposite. Babies grow inside their mother for 9 months so it’s only natural that they want to be as close as possible to their caregivers when they finally enter the world. It makes perfect sense that they want to be snuggled up with us so they can smell us, hear out heartbeat and feel our warmth. I just want you to know that if you can’t put your baby down, it’s normal and it won’t last forever. There are certainly things you can do to promote healthy sleep foundations at this age but please do not worry if baby will only have contact naps. Likewise, don’t feel guilty if you want to move away from this either. We all need to look after ourselves and do what’s right for us and our family.
2. There are no ‘bad’ sleep associations
Yes, you read that right. There are no bad sleep associations or bad habits when you have a newborn. It’s perfectly natural for a newborn to want to be fed, rocked or cuddled to sleep. They need their sleep so if it works for you then that’s great. Please do not worry about what might happen in the future. You need to focus on bonding with your baby and enjoy those precious moments because it goes by so quick. Any association that your baby does form can be changed and worked upon whenever you’re ready so the last thing you need to be worrying about when you have a new baby is whether you're forming ‘bad’ habits. However, if how you’re getting to baby to sleep isn’t manageable or working for you then that’s ok too. We can work on sleep at any age and babies are really adaptable.
3. It’s not selfish to want some sleep!
There’s no feeling in the world as lovely as newborn cuddles, but at the same time it can be extremely overwhelming and exhausting for a new mum who just wants a few minutes with her hands free or a few hours sleep. Quality sleep is essential for our physical and mental well-being, you absolutely shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to take care of yourself. After all, you’ve just been through birth and a huge life change. Being sleep-deprived also makes you more emotional. Know that it’s ok to have moments or days where you wish you had your pre-baby life back. When you had more than 2 hours sleep straight, wore clothes that didn’t have sick on them and could go out spontaneously without taking everything but the kitchen sink. It doesn’t mean you don’t adore your baby and you certainly shouldn’t feel guilty if you feel this way. Life does resume normality and you will feel like yourself again. Try not to worry about the small things and know that in time things will get much more manageable. You will feel normal again!
4. Newborn sleep is very disorganised
Newborn babies do need to sleep a lot but their sleep is very light. They actually only have two stages of sleep; active sleep (REM) and quiet sleep (NON-REM) whereas older babies and adults have four stages. You may find that you need to hold your baby for 20 minutes before they are in a deep enough sleep to be put down, but because their sleep cycles only last for 50 minutes at this age, they don’t stay asleep very long. Parents often ask me about short naps at this stage too. I can understand why parents are keen to start extending naps but it’s actually biologically normal for babies of this age to take short naps and this is because long stretches of sleep are often associated with increased risk of SIDS. Your baby is programmed biologically to wake in order to protect itself. Some babies do sleep longer periods from the start which is fine too but just know it’s not out of the ordinary for them only to manage a few hours too.
5. Your choices are the best for your baby
Whether you want to cuddle your baby to sleep for the foreseeable or you want to lay the foundations for independent sleep in the future, know that whatever you choose it’s the right decision for your baby and your family. There is no parenting rulebook and there are many different styles of parenting. Every child is unique and as parents we all know our own child and what is best for them. We should not feel guilty and we should not feel the need to justify our choices to others.
I hope this post has helped to create some realistic expectations of what you can expect from your newborn in regards to sleep.
If you do need some help or support with sleep then do not hesitate to get in touch because there are many ways that we can work together to improve your newborns sleep, should you wish to.
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