For many parents admitting they need help with sleep is not an easy thing to do, especially if friend’s babies seem to sleep so much better than yours. That was certainly the case for me anyway.  I constantly felt like I was doing something wrong because my baby was waking every 45-60 minutes despite me trying everything that was suggested. I felt embarrassed that I needed to call for professional help, but I shouldn't have been. 

Here’s why…

Before having my own children, I naively thought that babies cry when they’re hungry and fall asleep when they’re tired, then you just pop them down and they sleep for a few hours. I knew a baby would wake in the night but I had no idea I would spend hours trying to get my baby to sleep then painstakingly trying to put her down only for her eyes to immediately pop open and the crying would start again. All this is normal newborn behaviour but I was clueless.  

We’ve all heard the term ‘slept like a baby’, a phrase that means you drifted off peacefully and had a long undisturbed night’s sleep… well it turns out this is the exact opposite of how baby’s sleep.  

Babies sleep cycles are only 45-60 minutes long meaning they go into a deep sleep for a very short amount of time. When they start to transition into lighter sleep, if the conditions aren’t the same as when they initially fell asleep or they just haven’t mastered the skill of linking sleep cycles yet, then they wake up wondering what on earth is going on. Cue crying and a grouchy baby who hasn’t had enough quality sleep.

As a new mum I didn’t know any of this. It’s certainly not something covered at antenatal classes (although I really think it should be!).  

It was when my first born got to about 4 months old that we had a really bad time. There were a few nights when she woke so often that I got NO sleep at all. I became so overtired myself that I was shaking and tearful. When other people offered to watch her for a bit so I could rest I would lay in bed and I just still couldn’t sleep. It felt like my body had forgotten how to.  

It was then, in the middle of another sleepless night, that I contacted a sleep consultant.  

It was the best decision I ever made.

She was lovely, she didn’t judge and she explained what was happening with my daughter. We opted for a package that included 5 days support and were told this would probably be enough but we could extend it if we wanted. I was very sceptical. She was telling me that I could get my baby, who was waking easily 10 times a night, to settle herself and sleep through with just one or two night feeds in just a few days?!  No way!

But it was true. In just a few days my daughter was sleeping SO much better.  The transformation was incredible. At only 4 months and being breastfed on demand she still needed night feeds (which I completely understood and agreed with), but it was so much more manageable. I no longer felt emotional and exhausted and my daughter was like a different baby too. She was happy, smiley and above all well-rested. It gave me such peace of mind just knowing that she was finally benefitting from good quality sleep. It didn’t take long before she was sleeping through the night either and following the plan we were given has meant she has never had any problems with sleeps since.  

I will say that sleep training is something that requires full commitment. It wouldn’t have worked if we hadn’t stuck with it but with consistency brings security.  

My background in teaching meant that I had done quite a bit of training in Attachment Theory. I had been worried that if I didn’t immediately respond to my babies cries that it would damage the bond between us. This made me scared. It is only since researching further, talking to my own sleep consultant and training as a consultant myself that I have realised this is only in extreme circumstances; where babies are left to cry regularly, for prolonged periods of time and do not have a main caregiver.  

It would be unrealistic to say there won’t be any tears (although there might not be in some cases) because that’s how babies communicate. After all, making any changes will cause a bit of upset and we all know that crying triggers something in parents. We’re biologically programmed to want to stop it as quickly as we can. But if your child knows exactly what to expect from you and you respond to them lovingly in exactly the same way each time then it will actually help them to feel more secure, the bond between you will grow and attachment will become stronger.  

The results from hiring a sleep consultant were so astonishing with my daughter that I didn’t hesitate to get support when my son was born. Initially I didn’t think I’d need to, after all I had the knowledge I needed from my experience with my daughter… I was wrong. My son had some different issues which required a slightly different approach and it took him a little longer, but we got there in the end and he now sleeps like a dream. 

It was after seeking support for the second time that I decided to train as a sleep consultant. I am truly passionate about helping others as I would never want anyone to feel like I did when I was at my worst. Being a mum is hard enough job without feeling unnecessarily sleep-deprived… especially after the year we’ve all had! Teaching children is also my calling, it’s something I’ve been doing my whole adult life. I love helping them to progress and be the best they can be… both in the classroom and with their sleep. Ultimately all of us parents just want the best for our children, sleep shouldn’t be something we compromise on.