How to do Bedtime With a Toddler and a Baby
I remember the sheer panic I faced when I realised I was going to have to try and do the bedtime routine with two children.
It’s something I hadn’t really considered before having my second baby. I mean, to be honest, it took two of us to do bedtime for one, how on earth were we going to manage it with two kids?!... and then there was the prospect of doing it alone too!
But fear not! It is doable and you CAN get both children onto the same bedtime schedule!
Now, here are my suggestions…
If your toddler is anything like mine, then they want to go on a crazy rampage right before bedtime, so first of all make sure they have some time to play after dinner. Ideally we want them to let off some steam during this time so that they are calm when they go upstairs. Try to avoid time in front of the TV or any other electronic devices as this can inhibit the sleepy hormone, making it more difficult to go to sleep.
Definitely give yourself plenty of time to carry out the bedtime routine and try to stay calm. Being really consistent about what happens once you're upstairs will help your children feel calmer and more secure too – children love predictability!
It is normal for children to occasionally get upset near bedtime, especially if they have had a busy day or are a bit overtired. If this happens, know that you haven’t done anything wrong and you’re doing the best job you can. Be kind to yourself (and know that you can grab that glass of wine once they’re in bed if needed!)
Suggested timeline:
I’ve created this step-by-step timeline to help guide you through your bedtime routine as smoothly as possible, but all families are different, so I encourage you to first read through it in full, then go back through it, tease out the parts that feel like they will work for you, and leave what doesn’t.
So, with that in mind…
Go upstairs around 45 minutes before you want your children to be asleep.
Start bath time and lay out everything you need while it is running – pyjamas, wipes, nappies, towels, bath toys etc. This will mean you’re fully prepared and won’t be trying to run around with a wet baby or toddler shouting at you!
Put your toddler into the bath first so they can start playing and then use a bath support or seat for your baby. Get your toddler involved with gently washing and playing with the baby. Make sure they get lots of praise for this – it can be a lovely bonding experience.
Babies really don’t need long in the bath (5-10 mins is plenty) so get the baby out first, dry and dress the baby in the bathroom while your toddler continues to play. You could sing some songs or tell a story to keep your toddler entertained too. Once your baby is dressed you can pop them on a towel or playmat while you get your toddler out and dressed. Your baby may get upset at this point, particularly if they are hungry, but try not to panic. It will be over in a few seconds!
Now, I always advise that, where possible, you head straight to the room that your child is sleeping in after bath time (to avoid extra stimulation), but if you are doing bedtime alone this may not be possible so head to your toddler's room first.
Ask your toddler to pick a couple of stories and make yourself comfortable. If you know this part can be a battle them you could choose the books in advance and make sure you’ve set limits and your toddler is aware of them e.g. only ever two books before bed. Setting this expectation in advance can help avoid any tantrums. Take a deep breath if a meltdown does occur though, and know that it happens to everyone at some point!
While you’re reading the story, snuggle up and give your baby their milk feed. If you are finding it hard to turn the pages of the book you could ask your toddler to do this or tell a made-up story. My little girl loves hearing stories about when I was younger – even if they’re just about a day I went to the beach!
Once the story is over, allow your toddler to look at a book in bed and tell them you’ll be back in a minute. Go into baby's room and put them down in their cot. If your baby self-settles then you can now sing a lullaby, say ‘night, night’ and turn the lights out. If they require your assistance to go to sleep, still leave them in their cot as extra exposure to their sleep space is always good.
Now go back to your toddler's room and give them a few minutes of 1:1 time – lots of cuddles and even another short story if you have time. It’s really important that children do have some special bonding time with their parents and one of the most memorable times of day to a child is actually the 3 minutes before they go to bed. If you’d like to know more about secure attachment and sleep then click here.
Kiss your toddler goodnight and turn the lights out. If your baby needs help to settle then now you can return and assist them.
Once they’re both in bed, you can breathe a sigh of relief and go and relax with that wine! You deserve it!
As I mentioned, these steps worked really well for me but they aren’t set in stone.
I really hope they have helped you to adapt your routine for two little ones.
If you would like to learn more about sleep and have guidance on how you can achieve a well-rested night’s sleep then do get in touch. You can book a FREE Discovery Call with me today and find out about how I can help you!
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