How to Teach Your Baby to Self Settle
There’s no doubt about it, for most babies the key to a great night’s sleep is helping them learn to self settle – this means going from completely awake to asleep in their sleep space without assistance.
But, despite what we are often told, this doesn’t usually just happen without some gentle guidance and support from parents and caregivers. Very few babies just magically learn to self settle without a parent making some changes.
Why is it so important?
Young babies will need help to fall asleep; rocking, cuddling, feeding, bouncing and singing are all extremely common and will naturally help your little one relax and fall asleep. This isn’t a problem at all if you can then transfer your baby and get a good night’s sleep. Issues can arise though, when your baby wakes immediately when you try to transfer them or starts waking very frequently and needs assistance to go back to sleep. It can lead to frequent night waking, short naps and very exhausted parents! – It also means that your baby isn’t necessarily getting the long, deep, quality stretches of sleep that they need to grow and develop.
When your baby learns how to fall asleep in their sleep space, it completely eliminates the need to transfer them, so one issue is immediately solved. It also means that when they rouse in the night, which we all do during the night, they will be able to put themselves back to sleep without calling for assistance. Of course, if something is wrong, like they are hungry, have a dirty nappy or are poorly, they will call for your attention… but if it’s simply that they have come out of one sleep cycle and are entering another, then they’ll be able to have a little wriggle, get comfy and nod straight back off, just like you do during the night.
Where do I start?
There's no right or wrong when it comes to teaching self settling. Some people want to start practicing early - which is great! Others are happy continuing to feed, rock or cuddle to sleep until it no longer works for them - if this is the way you want to approach things then that’s also absolutely fine!
Self settling is often the key to a better night's sleep but please don't put pressure on yourself to nail it straight away! The first step is to optimise the sleep environment by making sure it is an appropriate temperature, it’s as dark as possible and I always recommend using consistent white noise too - for babies this forms a great soothing association with sleep.
It’s no secret that good daytime sleep can also improve night-time sleep so I also recommend making sure your baby is following an age-appropriate daytime routine too. I’m all about being flexible so this does not mean following a strict schedule, but being aware of your baby’s unique sleep needs and respecting them really is key. If you’d like to know more about establishing a routine with your baby, click here and visit my other blog post.
The most essential step is having a clear plan before you start making any changes. There are lots of methods you can use to help your little one lean to self settle, ranging from baby-led methods (such as habit stacking) to parent-led methods (such as Ferber) – plus a whole range of gentle hybrid and bespoke methods in-between! Whatever route you decide to take, it needs to feel comfortable for YOU. I always ask my clients about their goals and what their parenting style is so that I can talk them through all the options available and we can agree on which approach feels right for them and their baby – the reason being, if you ultimately don’t feel comfortable doing something then the likelihood is you’re not going to stick to it… and I want you to get amazing results!
What age is best?
There’s never a ‘perfect’ age or time to work on sleep – it’s also never too late! So many families contact me with babies who are 12m or older and worry that they’ve left things too late and ‘bad’ habits are too ingrained, but honestly, you CAN transform sleep at any age. Just read my testimonials and you’ll see the incredible results you could achieve.
Ultimately though, you can start practicing self settling skills from birth if it's what you want to do. At first it's really about your little one practicing falling asleep and getting super comfortable in their own sleep space. Don't expect it to be a success every time - remember any exposure in their cot or crib is good (even just a few minutes!)
Self settling takes time, consistency and patience!
How should I prepare my baby?
There are a few things you need to do, to give your baby the best chance possible of falling asleep without support. They are:
- Make sure your baby has had enough awake time – an undertired baby is not going to go to sleep, and if they do, it won’t be for long because the sleep pressure won’t be there
- Swaddle them – this helps stop the moro reflex from waking them up (you must stop swaddling immediately if your baby starts rolling though)
- Wind them really well – discomfort is one of the top reasons younger babies wake prematurely
- Use consistent white noise – this helps to drown out any noise disturbances, but if used consistently for all sleeps, will also act as a trigger which tells your baby’s brain it’s sleep time
- Ensure they have a full belly – a hungry baby is definitely not going to sleep!
- Introduce a sleepy phrase – this also will give your baby a cue that it’s time to go to sleep
What do I do once I put my baby down?
Most families that contact me want to be able to support their baby and be close by as they learn to fall asleep in their cot – which is usually a great place to start.
When you are ready, pop your baby into their sleep space after doing your bedtime routine, step back and wait a few seconds (or minutes if your baby is older), they may just surprise you, have a little wriggle and start to nod off!
If not, apply firm pressure on the chest until your little one’s eyes start to close and then gently ease off. With younger babies, you can also apply slight pressure to the top of the head - this makes them feel secure, like they were in the womb! Some babies prefer to be patted as it reminds them of your heartbeat - this works well if done on the chest or bottom. You can also add a 'shh' if your baby likes it too.
What do I do if my baby starts to cry or doesn’t settle?
At first, this is likely, but try not to see it as a failure... view it as another exposure to their sleep space that has taken you one step closer to independent sleep! If your baby does get upset you can always pick them back up to calm them and try again, or abort mission and try again next time.
If your baby is between 3-12m and you would like a more structured step-by-step approach to teaching them how to settle then my online course Gently Transitioning to Independent Sleep would be perfect for you – click here to find out more.
For 1:1 support to teach your baby to self settle, click here and book a Discovery Call and let’s get you a good night’s sleep! I’ll look forward to speaking soon!
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